This is not my ceiling
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
