Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize