I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
