By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I look better un-naked...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
