Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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