Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
