Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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