I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
