there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
