your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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