Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
