Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
