I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
