omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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