i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
