I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
