maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
The ass gains better be worth it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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