I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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