Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
