Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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