you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
