and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
