they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
