explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
