Where is the hickey?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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