the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
