we have pet lesbian snakes
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
