I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
