I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
