There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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