Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How does one acquire holy water?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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