he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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