If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
