I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
