Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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