He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize