Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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