My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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