you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
