It's Friday. Sex?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
