we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
