who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
