I just saw a hot homeless man
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
