If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
