Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
