it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Shame - the story of my life.
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