He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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