Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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