I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
