Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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