seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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