Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
