I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
