She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
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