I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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