a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
