I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
