So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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