either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
