I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You made out with two different species that night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
