He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
