i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
