You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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