After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
