So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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