i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize