Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
