We're facebook friends in real life
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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