Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
